Christmas_Day_Santas_Day_Off.jpg Chocolate on a StickThumbnailsCrimson Defender
Every Christmas Morning at sunrise Santa returns to the North Pole exhausted and stressed.
For years Mrs. Clause would take care of him and his needs, but she’s getting up there in age herself now.
Her knees are bad and she has arthritis in her back. After a few decades of “Grumpy Santa,” Mrs. Clause came up with an idea. She would let Santa, only one day a year, take one of the prettier young Girl Elfs to the Olde Workshop (where nobody goes anymore due to technological and computer advancements) and “Relieve His Stress” anyway he wanted.
For a few years Santa refused.
He loved Mrs. Clause too much and he felt that he was cheating.
One Christmas Morning, Santa was so cranky and grumbly, Mrs. Clause ended up hitting him on top of his head with a broom and shouted “GIT!!!” pointing to the Workshop.
Santa finally succumbed to her wishes (mainly not to get hit on the head again) and took one of the Elfs to the Shop.
All of the young Girl Elfs wanted to be the one to make Santa happy because they loved him so much (also because Santa’s “Candy Cane” was much bigger than all of the young Boy Elfs’s they had been messing around with).
That first Elf was happy yet sad. Santa wouldn’t touch her or let her touch him. He would just stroke his “Candy Cane” while looking at her. When he was finished, he kissed her on the forehead and smiled, telling her not to tell anyone what really happened.
Years have passed and Santa and Mrs. Clause are happy again. This Christmas Morning Santa chose a new Elf Girl. Her name is Jangles, a First Year Elf that has just turned 180 seasons old. Jangles was a bit surprised when Santa took her to the Workshop. He simply had her get undressed and stand on a workbench as he brought up a chair for himself. She heard the click of a cigarette lighter and smelled smoke. Santa smoked!! Then she heard the sound of a cap being twisted off of a bottle and smelled the distinct smell of bourbon. Santa drank bourbon!! Santa seemed to feel Jangles’ discomfort.
“Don’t worry my dear,” Santa said in his deep, rumbly voice. “I only smoke and do a couple shots on Christmas Morning. It helps me relax a little bit more. Now you just stand there and let me see you.”
Jangles could hear him stroking and thought, “Boy, I want to taste his “Candy Cane”.
When she mentioned this, Santa just said, “No my dear. I love Mrs. Clause too much for that.”
After a few more shots and a few more cigarettes, Jangles felt something warm and wet hit her in the back of her legs and heard a contented sigh. Santa then helped Jangles down form the workbench and gave her a kiss in the forehead.
“Thank you my dear,” he said. “Go and get cleaned up now and don’t forget, don’t tell anyone what happened here.”
As Santa was putting his cigarettes and bourbon away in a drawer, Jangles was happy that she could help Santa, but still a bit confused.
She asked Santa, “All you did was stroke your “Candy Cane” and look at my butt. Don’t you look at butts all night?”
Santa smiled at Jangles, patted her on her head after pulling up his pants and simply said, “Honey, I’m an Ass Man,” then walked outside.
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